Walliebloggin': Dark Clouds and Silver Linings

Miki is rapidly approaching round #5 of her original 6-8 rounds of chemo. We have this week to tread water and then it is back to the infusion room by way of a C/T scan next Tuesday, Oct. 22. It is this last week to week and a half, that can draw in the dark clouds of side effects, like fever spikes, a big lack of energy, and just not feeling right in her gut. But with these varying distractions looming overhead, she always manages to pull a few silver linings out of her hoodie.

One event that was on the calendar for some time, was a visit from a couple of North Carolina buddies. Bunny and Janet were our tandem whitewater canoe, paddling instructors…turned great friends over the last 10 or so years. They were to make a road trip here to visit Miki and me this last weekend, but due to Miki’s plummeting energy level, we had to cancel on them. We had the goal of getting the decking and railing on the tree house, so we could sit up in the trees, share a little wine, talk a little Colorado River trip prep, and generally catch up. Miki spent time with them while I was in Canada right before all this poop hit the fan last May. A good time would have been had by all, it’s just that Miki would have slept through a good portion of it. The silver lining in this is Janet (hopefully) gets a little rest before heading back to school, Bunny gets to recoup fully from a food poisoning sojourn, I met my tree house goal, and Miki is able to rest and sleep to make up for uncomfortable nights and recharge her batteries. Till we meet again.

Miki’s brother, visiting from South Carolina last weekend, got me a good start on accomplishing my goal stated above. By the time he left, I had some decking to put down and the railing to assemble. We (he) got a lot of the heavy lifting and structure in place. The dark cloud in that visit was probably our golf games. We did not have our A games…maybe even our B games, but our silver lining was enjoying some tree house time accompanied by some cool crisp fall air. Even flirting with hernias while working on the tree house was better than our short games on the course.

Toward the end of last week, Miki could tell her energy was beginning to dissolve, as it seems to do this time in her chemo cycle. As that black cloud was on the horizon, she made one last hoorah by getting out pillow shopping for two rockers that sit on the front porch. That’s right…two chairs that sit on the front porch as decoration…that evidently needed decoration themselves. You might say they needed a splash of color, for those of you that watch too much HGTV. But mine is not to question why, but to load her, drive her, and push her where she wants to go…so I did. A couple of hours that would have been excruciating a year ago, were more than my pleasure that day. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, what ever she wants, I am happy to say she gets. It is the least I can do while she concentrates on her. You might say the silver lining here (or not) is that I can tell you what is in every isle of Michael’s and Gordman’s!

Nothing better than pillow shopping to lift
your spirits...other than golf or poking your
eyes out.

The final silver lining began to shine out from behind a cloudy lack of Miki’s might this afternoon, as she announced she wanted to try and make her way to the top of her tree house. I’ve been waiting for this since my two lumberjack friends, Shannon and Matt, lifted the first 16 foot, 8x8 post in place. She was not sure she would be able to, but wanted to try no matter what. We wheeled her across the backyard into the shadow of the tree house, parked in front of the ladder, and with her leg brace in place she began her ascent. As she lifted herself with her good leg from one rung of the ladder to the next, while holding steady with her weak one, she repeated the process 15 times to reach the floor of her dream. Meanwhile I was right behind her, so close, I could have been mistaken for another layer of her skin. Was she winded…yes. Was she worn out…yes. Was she weak…yes. Did she make it…YES! She collapsed in her gamer chair. She rested a moment, then as she regained enough energy, she released a few tears while expressing it was everything she had wanted it to be. That is why I load her, drive her, and push her wherever she wants to go. We sat there while she took it all in. Looking up into the trees, looking out over the park, trying on her dream to see how it fit.

With a small wave, so as to not let go of the ladder for an
extended period of time, Miki works her way up, and up...
(I lashed her arms and legs to the ladder just for this photo op.)

Celebrating her first ascent!

We were later joined by Megan and Shannon’s family, as all five found their way into the trees for a visit. As they left, Kelly and Hannah stopped by to say hi and drop off a couple of scrumptious cupcakes for us (me). They too braved their fears and climbed up for a view from the top. As hard as it was for Miki to make it to the top and then down, it is now the motivation I’ll use to finish her dream. That silver lining has some staying power.

The first family to complete the journey to the top. Megan, Miki, Maizy,
Shannon, Marie, and Lincoln. Lincoln is the one writing on Marie's back
with acorn juice.

Not that Megan was the most nervous going
up, but she was excited to be down.

My Zen from Home: If you can’t have fun with a quasi invalid, who can you have fun with? Over the recent months and weeks, I feel as though I have busted my butt to take as good of care as I possibly can of the one I love. With that said, I do have my limits and sometimes she crosses the line with a request, suggestion, or comment. For example, while in control of her wheelchair, I will take my hands off and let her go (for a second). Pretty defiant, huh? A few times I’ve told her to get up and get her own medication, or food, or toilet paper! And today, after she asked for one of her evening treats…yogurt with some fruit mixed in…I prepared it, walked it over to her, held it out to her…and when she reached for it, I pulled it away from her as she gave me the stink eye. I laughed, she laughed (sort of) and I gave it to her. I guess my point here is that you can’t be a perfect caregiver all the time…that would be boring from both sides of the care.

Bonus Pics...