At the risk of sounding like
a 12 year old girl…O.M.G.!
I’m not sure this can be
said as a blanket statement, but I don’t think you can utter, write, or
think the words, “I have cancer,” and not think about your own mortality at the
same time. Miki was never shy
about her thoughts about death, what comes next, or however you view when your
time here on this Earth is complete.
Over the last few months, Miki and I had discussed this a number of
times, enough where she made me feel comfortable, knowing she felt comfortable,
with what we both were hoping she would avoid, an earlier than expected
departure. We both thought I would
be the one to head out first. When
it became apparent that reality and our hopes were not in sync, the inevitable
had to be laid on the table. She
had enough foresight or intuition to have put some serious thought into the end
of one chapter and the beginning of the next.
Had it been up to her, she
did not need a memorial service, but she knew those that she left behind
would. A gathering of some sort,
not to “bring closure,” but to allow those who were touched in some way by her
presence, during her 56 years, to come together and acknowledge not the fact
that she was a great teacher, family member, friend, or partner, but that we
will be okay in her absence. She
knew by gathering and sharing Miki stories, she would help us see the best in
ourselves. By celebrating her life,
we might try harder at our own.
Miki was heavy into gratitude and it was only fitting that it would be used as a theme for her
gathering. She wanted diversity in
blessings to represent the oneness we
all share no matter our beliefs.
And she wanted an uplifting atmosphere to facilitate moving forward and
avoid being bogged down in sadness.
She was grateful for the time she was here, the life she lead, and the
connections she made. She was
grateful for it all!
Miki knew she wanted to have
any donations in her name go to Best Friends Animal Society, having been there
to see first hand the great work they do.
I added Kansas City Hospice to it, having seen first hand the great work
they do (Thank you for your generosity today!). She thought through
giving her possessions away and made me promise things about the dogs. She lived well and prepared to leave
well.
As the service she'd been planning in her solitude began to come
together, first with her sister suggesting their Uncle Dave officiating it, my
brother taking on the audio/visual portion, a brother in law organizing hospitality,
and family and friends filling in the blanks, I was free to keep thinking Miki
thoughts. That was much appreciated!
The pieces kept falling into
place through today, until shortly before 1:00 pm, Saturday, December 21, 2013,
the winter solstice, when people began arriving at my alma mater to celebrate
their relative, friend, teacher, mentor, and my partner.
I wasn’t sure what my role
would be, as Miki’s celebrators and Joy Team members began arriving…she didn’t
have that part planned out for me, or at least she didn’t bother to tell
me. I found myself by the entrance
as people filed in and I just started collecting and giving hugs by the dozens.
I’ve been learning to be a hugger
over the last number of months and I believe I graduated today. If there isn’t a “Hugging To The
Oldies” workout, don’t be surprised to see one soon, because I am sure I will
feel the side effects of all that lovin’ in the days that follow. The winter
weather advisory was being held at bay and those that attempted to come
from out of town were successful in their attempts…some pretty courageous road
trippers, I must say.
The impressive number of
those in attendance today, the ones that may have been reluctant to be there
due to the dicey weather, or ones that wanted to and could not, paid tribute to
a woman who literally could not believe the support that swelled on her behalf
over these last few months.
Without a word being uttered, it spoke volumes about Miki.
Seeing each person in
attendance today was a real treat.
Seeing the service being played out before me, previously only an
outline on a sheet of paper, was almost an out of body experience. Seeing Miki magically appear in the
Grateful video for the first time, I’m sure caused palpitations, since I’d
watched it numerous times before the magic was added. But my highlight was easily seeing my nieces rise to a
difficult occasion, just because I asked them to. Each contributing to fulfill the vision their Aunt Miki saw,
as she planned a celebration of her own life well lived. She had to have been standing by each of them as
much as I was rooting for them, as they delivered words meant to help us grasp
our loss.
Miki honored me with the
greatest years I’ve known and I had the honor for the last 6 months to
reciprocate in a way that I hope she understood my gratitude to her in
return. Just as she embraced
moving on, it’s my turn to rise to that challenge as well. I’ve had such good words of support in
recent weeks, but it will be my actions that will move me forward now. Miki set the intention to personally
respond to each card and email she received and she actually started the
process. When she realized she was
unable to see it through, she asked that I continue for her. Knowing myself, I knew I did not have
that in me as she did. But know
that you made a difference in her, just as many of you have shared with me,
that she made a difference in you. As she carries us in her heart, we will carry her in ours.
As I turned at the podium
today to introduce the final blessing, the Grateful video, I had not
appreciated the turnout of supporters for Miki’s Day. But when I completed my turn and looked out over a sea of
familiar faces, my inner 12-year-old girl thought only one thing…”O.M.G.!” Thank You.
My Zen from Home: Being open is quickly becoming my new modus operandi. I will be open to feeling Miki’s
presence, open to moving forward, and open to the idea of being open. Miki wasn’t perfect at it (sorry Mik),
but she was pretty good and getting better all the time. Does not apply to certain vegetables or ruts
I may be in!
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