Ups and Downs

News Flash:  I have not cried since the last posting!  Not that there is anything wrong with crying, just puttin’ it out there.

Part I:

Mama Said there’ll be days like this.

The advantage to having older brothers and sisters growing up is that I was exposed to a variety of music.  As I begin to write about the last few days, the song One Fine Day by the Shirelles, popped into my head because of the words…”Mama said there’ll be days like this.” 

Well, my Mama didn’t tell me there’ll be days like this.  Days where the one I loved would have less energy than a wet rag sitting in the sink or seeing the life in her eyes fade in and out.  Maybe I should have paid more attention to my mama as she went through her chemo as I grew up, to recognize the signs of exhaustion in her eyes.  But I was just a kid tagging along with her to K.U. Med. Center for her treatments.  I was more interested in looking at the “city people” as we drove through downtown Kansas City on our way to and from.  But I have family and friends that have had cancer and gone through treatments.  I hear, see, and read about that cancer stuff.  Why does it seem like she is the first, when she has a wave of nausea come over her?  Instead of turning away food, why can’t she just eat?  Of course I know the answers to these questions, but I can’t control it.  And as the days go by under our roof, there are more and more reminders of my mom and how archaic cancer treatment must have been 35+ years ago.  Yet with medical break throughs, advances in technology, and all the cancer patients that came before us, the suffering continues…but possibly less.  So…that is the stuff I let in once in a while, just as Miki lets in some thoughts other than pleasant and positive. 

Part II

We got rid of the trailer, but we’re still white trash.

With the August weather a no show, Miki has taken advantage of getting outside, as you may have seen.  But we have bumped it up another level recently and moved her from a blanket on the ground to a La-Z-Boy recliner.  Now I have seen my share of indoor furniture…outside.  But never thought I would be an accomplice to such an act.  When the blanket wasn’t doing it for her anymore, why not bring out a lazy boy and side table outside to add a little more comfort to her sore little Raggedy Ann body topped off with her cute little baldhead.  I am continually surprised what I do when she needs something or it appears something needs her.  And that La-Z-Boy needed her bad.  It was quite a sight, with the orange extension chord draped to her computer, side tray table with multiple refreshments, and a sheet camouflaged port-a-potty at the ready.  I think the only thing missing were a dozen or so spent cans of PBR tossed around the yard and maybe a baby blue, ’71 pinto, with 3 wheels still in tact.  Okay, enough stereotypes, but I’ll bet some distant neighbors and passersby in the park were thinking, “There goes the neighborhood!”

She holds a can of Ensure, but the contents are surely alcoholic!

I did enjoy the look on her face when she fell into the recliner.  It resembled the same face, the first time she came out to lay on the blanket.  After having been cooped up inside for what must have seemed an eternity, she made her way from the wheel chair down to being spread eagle on the air mattress, situated on the blanket…and just wept.  She literally dug her fingers into the grass and clutched the Earth like she wouldn’t ever let it go.  With the recliner, it was just a smile of comfort as she disappeared into the cushions.  She stayed there, listening to a book on tape until her cheeks couldn’t smile anymore.

Yesterday, we worked our way out to the tree swing, where we sat for some time.  She was pretty bundled up, with a sweatshirt up around her cute little baldhead (she has needed more warmth than normal lately) and we talked about the tree house she is envisioning under the last two Pin Oaks.  Stay tuned.

It's not winter, it's just Miki.

The coming week will be a big one.  Miki is starting her second round of chemo out of eight and finishing up her radiation treatments.  Her first round of chemo was administered in the hospital, due to the pain she endured in an upright position.  Things have progressed in that area since.  Now she can sit up with much less pain.  It will be an effort on her part, but it beats the hospital.  Her radiation should end this coming Friday.  Evidently these treatments are the gift that keeps on giving for a while after they have ended.  It will be interesting to try and see what side effects we can pin to what treatments.  Will the chemo be any different without the radiation in tow?  Lots of questions looking for answers.  With a rising awareness on her vulnerability to the effects of low white cell counts, she is becoming more sensitive to the germs hanging around out there and the possibility of something making this process harder on her than it already is.  We have acquired some surgical type masks for our future visitors, so be prepared.  It is not a bad breath thing.  If it were only that simple.  One thing we know for sure though…she has a cute, little baldhead.  Have I said that already?

P.S.  Just as I expose her darker moments, she seems to have had a remission of sorts.  Just since I have been writing this evening, she has eaten, exercised, and is now drawing out on the deck…in her La-Z-Boy!  A 180 from the last few days.  The light is on…AND SHE IS HOME!

An artist at work.

My Zen from Home:  I was riding my bicycle a few days ago on the lake trail and I came around a corner and up a small rise to find myself tailgating a large yellow Swallowtail butterfly.  It seemed like more than the few short seconds it must have been, but I came up on it at eye level and was quickly right behind it.  I found myself drafting off a butterfly without it knowing.  As quickly as I came upon it, it veered off to the left and I was back to bucking the wind on my own.  You probably had to be there, but I will not soon forget flying with a butterfly.  I am hoping I can say the same about this side excursion Miki and I are on.  We came upon it, it lasted a short time, and we set out on other adventures.