My State of Preparedness

Four and one half days under our belt, since we left the protective custody of the hospital.  Oh what a 4 and ½ day difference can make.  As the “caregiver” in this story, when we arrived home, I began doing whatever I felt was the right thing to do for and with Miki as we settled into “Centerpoint East.”  Not quite the professional atmosphere and this caregiver thought about being the “care-take-a-wayer” a few times.  I told Miki that since she had taken care of me for the last three decades (man we are getting older) that I certainly didn’t mind taking my turn now.

I got ice packs ready and refilled the ice trays, changed the sheets on the bed (you don’t realize how big a deal that was!), did the wash for both clothes and dishes, sort of cleaned house before people dropped by, delivered meals (from the appropriate carryout restaurant as needed…it was needed a lot), and came whenever called like a good man servant.  Sounds like what she had done for me for 32 years.  The only difference I could find, was that her brain and body had some drugs prescription medications running amuck in her system, making her either equivalent to a 15 year old girl (no offense if you are a 15 year old girl, I think) or a 98 year old woman (no offense 98 year old women) who is hard of hearing and still knows how to do it better than me…whatever it is.  With that said, and before she starts hating on me, she is on some chemicals that would alter anyone’s space time continuum, including Albert’s (Einstein) and Stephen’s (Hawkings).  I hate to admit it, but I was enjoying waiting on her, hand and foot and I probably will never admit that out loud to you in person or her…our little secret. 

Pain management, seemed as though it would be manageable.  She started out with 4 medications and a couple of pooping helpers, since those pain meds seem to tell the body to “hang on” to whatever goes in her mouth (that is almost another story, but not for me).  So there is one that is taken every 8 hours and another that is every 4.  Some at morning and/or bedtime, others as needed. Two on the list, she was not given scripts for and another she could take one of or two of depending on her (me).  As she was now on her “take home” pain meds by now, it was apparent that she should not and would not have any control of these bottles of bliss and I became the head of the Pain Department.  Quite the responsibility, especially one day when I was redoing the chart on the fridge I keep track of the meds with, when I erased all the info without making a copy first.  Sounds bad, but after 14 hours and a trip to the ER, I had it all figured out again…teasing!…or am I?  Either way, she is still alive and mostly out of pain most of the time.  And an ice bag does wonders for her, kind of like what a band aide does for a second grade boy’s finger when they touch a second grade girl by accident…again…teasing.  The ice bag really did bring some speedy relief to the warm beers I would nurse while monitoring her meds…teasing again!...or am I?  We seem to have a good plan in place, as long as you don’t mind getting up 2 or 3 times in the wee morning hours of some other universe, then finding your way back to slumberland.  Now at this point, those of you with children are probably not quite on the pity wagon for me as I may show signs of weakness as a parent.  And that is my point.  Not having kids has diminished my growth of super human powers to deal with numerous nightly interruptions, taking care of another humans being’s every whim, or getting along on next to no sleep.  But I am retired, which means I have all the time in the world.  I don’t’ usually sit still long, for better or worse.  And, I happen to love and adore this drugged up, bossy, dry mouthed, extraordinarily animated, fast talking woman.  It gives me piloerection…look it up (a word of the day from Nurse Nickey, one of the many great ones Miki had).  So at this point in time, I am no pharmaceutical sevant, but I am confident I can read a prescription bottle correctly about 85% of the time!

Our (my) biggest challenge so far since she was set free from Centerpoint, has been managing time.  The girl is an insatiable e-mailer.  Enough read…enough said!  (Just teasing honey!)  Her email file sizes rival high quality digital photos.  But you know what, she loves it, it serves a purpose, and if you get tired of reading after the first 8 pages, you can always save it for a rainy day.  I hear that is what Noah did!  (Sorry for poor humor insertion…I do handle the medications and I hear they can be absorbed by the skin.)  Part of this challenge is getting her to stop doing what she has loved, seeing the people that stop by and visiting with those who call.  And for me, trying to regulate this activity is more easily argued than it is difficult to enforce.  She has seen the light (or some hallucination) after hitting the wall of exhaustion at the end of two long days of great fun and socializing.  But the realization that she needs to come first above what she feels are the needs of her friends and family has sunk in.  Together, we will see that she is our number one priority and all that will accompany that to a fast and speedy recovery from whatever it is that is messing with her.

I would not be painting the whole picture, if I did not include the fact that this, my part in this partnership on this journey, has not been all bubble gum and balloons.  As I have indicated before, those of you who have been through difficulties like this or in other aspects of your relationships, professions, or personal issues, everything is relative.  This may not end up being the huge nightmare we would like to steer clear of, in which case, I (we) have already experienced some life changing moments in the short time we have been in this medical spotlight.  I have seen Miki in ways (some good, some not so attractive) that I have not seen in the last 32 years…and there have been some good ones.  I am sure she has been surprised by some of my actions (some good, some not so attractive) as well, but we both have our eye on the end goal.  And that is a healthy, happy, joyful soul, we know as Miki.

My Zen from Home:  It is the little things in life that make a big difference.  Books have been written about these little things and little things, can be a relative thing.  Today, a little thing to you and me, was a monumental thing to Miki.  I believe she let most of her email recipients aware of this triumphant action…she pooped!  Medications can do that to a person…stop them up like a cork in a bottle.  As more of her friends had “just the thing” for it, she got closer and closer to taking care of business on her own.  I can’t help but think that the idea of coffee in some place other than a coffee cup got things moving in the right direction for her.  She was so excited when the curse was broken, she saved it for me to see.  That is something I would do to her, but never thought she would share with me.  But it is the little things in life that make a big difference, so be thankful...and sometimes the not so little…it had been 5 days!