Walliebloggin': Ramblings on Perspective

Everything we see, we see slightly differently than anyone else at any one given point in time. To be picky about it, if Miki and I were pouring over a piece of art hanging on a gallery wall (which I do frequently!), we both are looking at basically the same image, but the angle at which we are viewing it is not exactly the same, the shadows may be slightly different due to the angle at which we are viewing it from, yada, yada, yada… The point being is that we all take this world in from a little different perspective than anyone else. What makes one-person stay and stare at a piece of art and another walk on by? What brings tears to one person’s eye at the movies and another want to gag?

If Miki says she is gaining weight and I feel she has lost weight, we can prove that by getting on a scale, but if a scale is not available, who is right? I guess it really isn’t about who is right as much as it is about both of us being right. We both are seeing from different perspectives. We are both right. I’m not in her skin and cannot feel what is motivating her to say she is gaining weight…when she has clearly lost weight. Oh, right…it’s not important that I am right, sorry. If someone answers 3, to what is 1 + 1, in their mind they are right or they would not have said it. We all think we are right about whatever it is being questioned; it’s how we view it.

This whole topic came to mind as I talk with Miki day in and day out, listen to her answer questions from the doctors and nurses we come in contact with, and see how she handles concerns and observations from our friends and family. We are both seeing this whole cancer thing through our own eyes. My view is not hers, which makes what she finds not important, is concerned about, or gets excited over may vary from somewhat to greatly than me. What I am learning to remember is that whatever my perspective is, is not the one that counts. It helps me see the overall picture, but what is seen through her eyes is what is painting the picture. We’re both right…but she is more right!

It took me a little time to wrap my mind around the “tree house,” using her pre-chemo hair to make braids to pin under a bandana to give the illusion of hair, and the fact that her taste buds play musical chairs with what sounds good by the hour. But when I stop and try to see through her eyes, its okay and I shouldn’t try to make it about me. I guess this is another way to look at “walking in someone else’s shoes.” She may not get the “Hobbit” tree house she sees in her drawings, but we can agree on one that I can build. She may have a beautiful baldhead, but I am sure she misses having hair. And I know that she loves to eat and her taste buds will relinquish control in time.

Maybe what made all that possible would be our communication. Not that we are both great communicators individually (cause you know I love to talk and express myself so much!), but that if I try to view the importance of the tree house through her eyes (having something to focus on during this impossible time and a dream that began a long time ago) vs. mine (geez…the permits, the work, the sore muscles, the what if’s… will she really use it, will it tumble over in the first autumn wind, will the squirrels commandeer it for the winter) and she sees some value in my devil’s advocate point of view, then we come to a meeting of the minds and it becomes reality. (Please don’t judge my writing skills on that last sentence!)

I don’t know…it just seems like if we walked around with the understanding that everyone’s perspective is valid through their eyes, then we might understand how we view them through ours before passing any kind of judgment or opening our mouths then wishing we hadn’t.

I am not sure where I wanted to go with all this, but in the situation Miki and I find ourselves in, I can’t imagine putting my needs in front of hers or pretending to know what she is going through. But from my short time at the cancer center, it is apparent not everyone has someone to go through this with and not everyone who has someone is treated the way I would want to be treated. So if Miki wants to wear a Wonder Woman theme or a blue faux fur, hunting hat, then sobeit. She has carte blanche from having a recliner in the backyard to a tree house in the sky, from taste buds calling Dairy Queen to hauling ass to Whole Foods, or from one commode cleaning a day to twenty-four. It’s all about perspective.

My Wonder Woman! The last day of the
3rd round of chemo.

Attention…Disclaimer Alert!

I know DISCLAIMERS usually come at the beginning rather than the end, but after having read this back to myself, I feel I owe it to you to say I didn’t really mean to vomit all these words at you that I hope we take for granted. I meant to write something humorous, but instead it seems as though I have gone down the rambling hole. I think crazy people do things like this! The gateway rambling to a manifesto! Ha!

My Zen from Home: Needless to say, Miki is pretty high maintenance right now (from my perspective) and even though she needs to focus on other things to get her through this journey, I have found that the tree house has become a good focus for me too. Having something to take my mind off of the day-to-day stuff, the chemo cycles, and just how nasty what must be transpiring inside her body has taken up some of my imagination, so it doesn’t wander to far. I can see how the idea of a hobby, an outside interest, or being goal oriented can get you through things and times that could be miserable or seem to drag. Her list of things for me to focus on seems to be growing!