Welcome back. I guess I did not sicken you enough with my previous "flowery" Zen and you are back for more. Okay then, good for me, here we go.
Since most of understanding anything that went on up here in Canada meant that you had to be here, the rest of my relating this trip to you will
come in the form of what went on inside my head when I was either
sleeping, eating, reading, working, or in a boat fishing 3 to 5 hours at a
time. This means that these
thoughts may seem incoherent and I may never be invited back!
Disclaimer…Some of you may be offended by the nature of the content
that follows…therefore, you’ve been warned. Look away from the screen at anytime you feel is inappropriate. This is a self-regulating blog. Don't point the finger at me later for what you choose to read now. (How can you not read ahead now, with that challenge?)
If you have been with a group of people (in this case, 8
guys…men’s men…studs in their own minds) for an extended period of time, in
close quarters, with no escaping, things happen, things are said, and sometimes
things happen and a gem comes forth. Some are sweet, some would be at the other end of the spectrum. Some will be explained, some will not, and some will be
explained for cash only. I’ve
learned that when males are together, it doesn’t take long for maturity levels
to decline, innuendo to fly, and that is when great shit happens. This may be too much to imagine for you or maybe you just had to be here, but to me, these were some awesome moments from Fiart Island, May 2013. Things happen on islands all across the Canadian Shield like this, or do they? These are some things that happened on our island.
Our Anniversary: Miki and I celebrated our 31st anniversary together on May 29th, separately this year. I don’t believe it is the first time, but for whatever reason, I mentally celebrated it more than I have before. I thought about Miki and us between casting, between fishing spots, between stories sprinkled with bullshit, and between staring at my cards during cribbage, among all other waking moments of that day (and all other days too!). It is strange not seeing her since we have been together the majority of time outside our classrooms since we met. I miss her very much and can’t wait to see her, but I will miss those playing card substitutes.
Water: Unless you buy it and bring it in, there
is nothing to drink but water here. My
first trip here, around 10 years ago or so, we drank Labatts Canadian beer…like
it was water. Since then, my
better judgment has lead me to drink water as my choice of hydration. Normally the lake water is boiled and added to
tea or a drink mix, but this year I brought a backpacking water filter, just
because. Now, I don’t know if this
water only cleanse that I have self induced is responsible for my higher volume
of urination or the “I pee freely” effect that has it’s visitors (mainly males
I presume), peeing anywhere outdoors deemed appropriate, to help preserve the
septic system, but it has certainly had a freeing
affect.
These are some things that were said over, and over, and over, and over again.
- “Sometimes you get the beaver and sometimes the beaver
gets you.”
- “Now you’re just making shit up!”
- “The difference between diarrhea and the shits…diarrhea is
when you get to the bathroom
on time and the shits is when you don’t.” After listening to Greg fart it
up one evening, we
all agreed he had the shits.
- Retirement spending…
Greg: “You gotta watch what
you spend in retirement.”
Rodney: “I watch Carol
spend my money and she watches me spend hers.”
- “Getting our rocks off the bottom”
- “We got a hundred yards further than last year!”
Good Morning!: It didn't take me long to realize I needed to travel with ear plugs, being the light sleeper I am. So what kind of day do you think I was gonna have when the
first sound that greeted my ears after removing my ear plugs from the
overnight snore ensemble, was a fart that thundered out from an un-named corner
bedroom. I literally took both
plugs out at the same time and like the simultaneous flash of light with a clap of thunder…the air vibrated with such anger that I
thought the source would yelp like a dog.
That is no way to greet the day.
Then I thought, "find the positive"…it took awhile, but I came up with…at
least it didn’t happen any closer than it did! I could have been hurt.
A Bedtime Story: We had great food interspersed with fishing, “board
meetings,” a few (thousands) games of cribbage, and some spectacular sunset
watching. The one common thread
each day that made this trip so enjoyable was the laughter. We relived great stories and jokes and one night before going to bed, Rodney read to us from the book, “Small Gas
Engines…How to repair and maintain them.” (which just happened to be sitting on a table between two recliners.
It was one of those rare and spontaneous moments when nothing
inappropriate was said or done (just thought)…and on the surface, nothing
particularly funny was said (just thought). But it wasn’t more than a few sentences before I couldn’t
see due to the tears in my eyes and uncontrollable laughter began. It was one of those, you had to be
there moments, I will never forget. But it was shared with 7 other guys that know the exact same experience. If you could imagine listening to how a 2 or 4 stroke engine works
combined with the sophomoric humor and immaturity of an 8th grader,
you might be getting a glimpse inside my head (kind of scary, I know).
Asstronomy 101: One afternoon we were setting up a telescope (like most
cabins in the middle of the north woods, miles from civilization), figuring out
how it works, so we could use it to view the moon one night. We had it almost horizontal, viewing a
neighboring island to see it’s magnification, when out of nowhere a foreign
body came into view that reminded the 3 of us setting it up, of the planet Uranus (pronounced
the elementary student way…”Ur-anus”).
As we turned our attention from the viewfinder to see what had eclipsed
our view of the island, we were shocked to have discovered it really was an
anus! Not “Ur’s,” but Greg’s anus
and the rings that accompanied it.
It just so happened that His-anus came into alignment with the Fiart Island
Observatory, a once in a lifetime occurrence (we hope). The only discovery in addition to this
rare and shocking site was the discovery of the two small moons that appeared
to be orbiting this planetary mystery, the cousin to Uranus...named Greganus (not to be confused with Greg Louganis the Olympic diver).
Sounds of the Night: Sure there are the stereotypical sounds you may assume go
with being out in nature, away from civilization, on a lake, surrounded by
forests. Like the loon’s haunting
calls in the evening that echo across the lake or the faint sounds of rushing
water from Hammerhead Falls. But
the sounds I am referring to are the ones that slowly build like a steam
locomotive preparing to leave the station. First comes the heavy breathing. Rightly so, for the hard work that is accomplished each day,
both in and out of the boats! That
is followed by the inevitable, deep-throated snort, that if it doesn’t wake the
snorer up, will only daisy chain onto a full blown snore-a-thon. On those rare occasions when you have
multiple gifted snorers, a symphony of snorts, blurts, smacks, and other
guttural throaty sounds, temporarily fill the cabin (it is hard to spell snoring
sounds, but I think you get the idea).
I won’t point fingers or name names, but we have some gifted folks on
this island. One night before
putting my baton down from directing this talented group (not literally of
course), three were snoring and accompanying them was someone’s heavy
breathing. At the crescendo of the
piece being performed, someone farted to punctuate the third movement (pun
intended) and in a pitch black cabin, in the north woods of Canada, I laughed
out loud, put my ear plugs in and went to sleep.
This last one I am
taking the time to partially explain, due to the lack of maturity you might
infer from anyone using the words “jack off”…
"Jacking off the crib": You might imagine the two words, “jack off,” would bring
howling laughter to middle school boys in the back of any classroom before
class starts, but those two words nearly brought tears of laughter to 8 grown
men (well, maybe grown boys) as they worked on raising and stabilizing the
dock. With a bit of background
information, you might not think as poorly of us as you are already might. Once the crib (mentioned above) was in
place, we literally used a jack to raise the middle of the dock to rest it on
top of the new crib. The jack was
set on rocks within the new crib to raise the walkway between the existing cribs. In the planning stages and throughout
the process itself, when giving directions and asking questions, “jacking off”
was used innocently and necessarily so many times and each one more humorous that the one before. I would be laughing so hard, tears became common place. Each reference started innocently, yet was degraded almost
instantly to a level of hilarity that I will remember forever. I guess you can take the boy out of junior
high, but you can’t take the junior high out of the boy.
Along that same line of thought (sorry, one more)…one morning at breakfast,
the previous paragraph had just been relived (again) and another conversation had just
finished about the sweet Gherkins (pickles) we had left in the cupboard, when someone began
a comment with…”Sweet jerkin,’” by mistake and I almost blew my drink through my nose!
I will finish with some photos from the 15 days on and off the island.
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| Weighing in before loading the plane for our flight out. |
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| Fiart Island. You can see the red roof of the cabin on the right end. |
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| Harvesting 6' logs for a future crib. |
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| My friend was lucky and was given a reprieve to grow a little more. We shall meet again. |
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| Rodney's birthday! Who would have thought a Hooter's Birthday card would arrive in the mail...on his birthday no less and end up on the cake? |
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| Lunch! Nuff said! |
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| Jeff, boning up on his Assrtonomy notes before class. |
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| Shore lunch. MMmm Mmm! |
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| Fat and sassy hooligans after a shore lunch. The boats moved a bit slower on the way home. Don't mean anything by that...just sayin'. |
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| Jeff learns the camera trick of holding the fish with an out stretched arm, as close to the camera as he can, to make the fish appear larger than it really is. Who knew that Northern was only 6" long. Good catch, Northern Slayer! |
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| This just doesn't look right. You would think an owner would show a little restraint. |
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| A fitting final farewell. |
My Zen from the North Woods: I started to wonder these last two weeks, why is it, that in general, guys feel relatively free to share bodily sounds and smells (those are the only senses I care to cover) with other guys and not feel exceptionally embarrassed about it. Was it our junior high gym teachers that instilled this equality in us as young men...okay...young boys? As far as I know, most women would not display this behavior written about above, if on an island and in close quarters with no escape. I am not privy to the ways and whys of the female in this arena and at the same time, I am glad they appear to not have these behaviors (at least most of them). I am assuming it has to do with balance. If Miki did some of the things I do and we did them together around friends...we may not have those friends very long. So think about what you do around others. Appropriate or not, is there some kind of balance around that makes you tolerable?
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